Rabbi Abraham Heschel “Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. .... get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.”
I’m beginning this blog in the last week of my vacation, knowing that it is ending soon. This heightens my awareness of impermanence and influences me to savor each moment. I am grateful to be here and able to vacation in a beautiful place where everyone I meet seems to be smiling, says hello, and is willing to chat. I savor the fresh fish and going to the fish market. The beach is glorious and the water inviting. I don’t savor my difficulty getting in and out of the water, but I do appreciate having walking poles and enjoy the rhythm I get into as I move along the shore, as well as the steadiness they provide. I plant them carefully in the sand, observing the ground under my feet and the stones washed ashore. The first week here, I twisted my foot on a rock as I happily walked, enjoying the beach and watching our dog test the water and swim for the first time. Later in the week, I fell on asphalt, busy talking while holding lobster rolls and lemonade. I blamed it on my beach shoes, but my proprioception and my vision have changed. Impermanence is real. It’s not only land and sea that are in flux but also my body. I am aware of losses as I age, but there is also gain. I take less for granted, treasure my arthritic feet, and bless them for supporting me so I can walk. I am filled with gratitude and wonder at the miracles of life and appreciate being alive to it.
Yesterday, sitting by the side of the bay, the sky was a brilliant blue, the water was sparkling, and the temperature was perfect, not too hot or too cold. The sea was calm, and I had my water shoes to protect my feet from the stones at the water's edge, so I was able to go for a swim: heaven! Later in the day, my husband and I went kayaking. I appreciated that my husband could still take the kayaks off the roof of the car and put them back up again. I appreciated being able to get into and out of the kayak and appreciated the beauty of the pond.
We have been renting the same house for 33 years. The owner died this year, and his daughter is now managing it. We were concerned she’d sell the house, but instead she renovated it, put in new windows, redid the kitchen, and put new shingles on the house. I am thankful we could be here again. It is glorious to sit and look out through the new panes and see clearly into the yard, the trees, and the rhododendron bushes, which are now mature and huge. There is another air conditioner, and we no longer swelter in the heat as we did before.
A vacation brings with it certain expectations, as does returning home. I’ve been doing my best to note desire and disappointment without holding on tight to either. I no longer expect every moment to be perfect, and I am more realistic about my physical limitations. I still feel young inside, but falling scared me. I realize how lucky I am not to have been hurt and how easy it is to be distracted and take a fall. I now hold onto railings and am thankful they are there. This is humbling but rewarding. I am much more content. I miss riding the waves and running into the ocean like I used to, but I am more comfortable asking my husband for his arm so I can go into the ocean when it is calm and get out more securely. I still enjoy going to the beach, feeling the ocean air and sitting with a good book, the roar of the sea in my ears, and the children squealing with delight as their parents watch them, holding the little ones in their arms or helping them in the water. I bring my traveling watercolors to see if I can capture its dynamism. I can’t yet, but I enjoy the process of trying. Impermanence is my friend; it helps me stop and appreciate being here, wherever and whatever the moment brings.
To be continued when I am home…
Home: I’m amazed! I’m here and like it. In past years, I have felt sad that vacation ended and sad returning home. This time, home is welcoming. I am appreciating anew the beauty here. Our time away left me feeling so full that I see everything with fresh eyes. To my amazement, I opened the refrigerator to put away food and noted it needed cleaning. I was inspired to take out its drawers to scrub them clean. David supplied the extra force needed to remove the encrusted crud. I now feel good each time I open the door. I am getting back into routines, and the challenge is to maintain this fresh perspective and be appreciative of the ordinary. It is a gift. I am thankful to be here.